The anniversary.


Cats always seem to know when something is up. Taken that first night.

’07 began with the passing of the EYOC. It couldn’t have sucked more because the last time I saw the guy, I walked away thinking about how nice a time I had with him, how I needed to go see him more often. I haven’t talked about that last week or two (or three) - maybe it was because I needed some time to absorb it.

Now that the first anniversary is coming up on it, maybe I can look at things with something of a better perspective. There are a couple of things that stick with me...

First off, was that last stay in the hospital:
Interesting mainly because it was mostly me around and only me. After you’re sick for a long time and dance in and out of danger on a regular basis, very few will remain at your side. I managed to be that person for the EYOC. It’s not something I need a pat on the back for, I did it for myself as much as for the EYOC. It had a lot to do with the responsibility I felt in the situation (especially after so many years of caring for him). Funny thing though is that he recognized it. I’m not tearing down others either because, the regular back and forth to the hospital and death’s door is not an easy thing to keep up with.

The main thing that sticks out from that week to ten days was how someone’s meddling made it harder for me to oversee his care. The very same party who couldn’t be bothered to show up at the hospital (or the funeral for that matter). I can’t say it was surprising in the long run given the history - it just made a clear statement about a person’s character or lack thereof.

In the end, the hours I spent at the hospital (including my second consecutive New Year’s Eve there) were well worth it.

Second, my last visit has me thoroughly convinced people know they are about to die:
I walked away from my last visit having a truly nice visit and a great time. As last memories of a person go, it’s a good one. I thought it was the EYOC’s final revenge, me walking away that last time I saw him and thinking to myself how much I enjoyed it and how I needed to come more. I guess that old adage of the stage about always leave them wanting more holds true for people who are about to check out too.

Third, making it through a funeral I had to set up and arrange:
No one tells you about this s**t! I mean, nobody sits a body down and tells them a day will come when they are going to have to plan or supervise the funeral of a loved one. The best advice I ever got was from two of my cousins on separate occasions urging me to take care of all the planning and arrangements in advance. I have never been more thankful of heeding advice than I was during that three or four day period.

You can expect someone to die, you can anticipate it but, no matter how much you do when the event occurs you are still unprepared for the reality of it. If it’s hard just to drag yourself out of bed on a normal day, you can only imagine how hard it is to drag yourself out of bed on a day after someone you care about has died.

Really, if anything I could’ve slept for a week or a month and really not had too much of a problem with it. Instead, there was all this stuff that had to get done to make sure everything came off without a hitch. The one thing about someone dying is that you can’t postpone things to next week or next month, you have to deal with it NOW!

Fourth, seeing him the night he died:
Look, can’t put this any other way than to say after someone has died, I really don’t need to see them.

The general tradition for my people is to do the open casket/viewing thing. I choose not to in the case of the EYOC. I saw him dead, or maybe I should say I say his body because, believe me, he was already long gone. Whatever it was that made him the person he was, like Elvis, had already left the building and there was nothing in the hall to see after the main act had left the stage.

Those moments lingering around the ER of the hospital waiting to have someone take me to see the body were some of the longest moments in my life. The only thing trumping them was the few moments being in the room with a lifeless corpse. I have a lot of memories I’ll carry with me, some fond, many not but, that is something I will try my best to forget.

There are still a few things to do in regard to the EYOC and I’ll be doing that as the first anniversary approaches. I don’t want to spend a lot of the time looking back on what was. However, when I do look back, I look back with the pride of knowing I did a job that was well-done. I sacrificed a lot, there are times I wonder whether or not I should have made some of the decisions I did but, ultimately I believe I made the right choices.

The other thing I carry with me is the hope he is truly at peace, surprisingly enough, he is very much missed.